Everything I Know About My Kingdom…

“Peh! Promised Princes?!? Who do these bastards think they are? Gods damn Targaryens?!? They bloody well aren’t. If they were, I’d have caved their treacherous chests in with my war-hammer and taken a royal p**p on their cold, reptilian hearts.

These crazy S***heels are smarter than the maesters, I’ll give them that. At least they don’t scurry around like the maesters; the same way that c***less mice scurry around; sticking their virgin-noses into Royal affairs. And they know their Westerosi history, that can’t be denied.

It should be said in The Princes That Were Promised’s favor that they aren’t nearly as condescending as my holier-than-thou brother. I am also man enough to admit that these Promised Princes can hold their drink and they know how to have a good time; and they do it without the man on man physicality that my younger brother requires for a good time.

If these sons of bitches are dragons as their name alludes that they be, then they are likely without honor, despite the two of them behaving quite honorably in most situations I’ve witnessed them in. No matter how honorable they may feign to be in my Royal presence, they will never be able to light a torch to the honor of my best friend, Ned. Yes, they probably won’t lose any Game of Thrones shortly after entering the way that Ned did but at least good ol’ Ned went out with his honor in tact.

Well, f*** it. Anyway, The Princes That Were Promised podcast is indeed the podcast that tears apart Westeros and sifts through the pieces. It is truly a great listen. In spite of my criticisms, I am man enough to admit that everything I know about my kingdom I learned from The Princes That Were Promised podcast. So kiss my royal a**.”

Robert Baratheon, King of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros