The Royally Official Fictional Analysis of Fictional Lead Characters in Game of Thrones #3
BRAN: I am here! I received your messages and I sought you out, though it was at great cost. The old gods have helped me to find you. Will you help me to walk again?
THREE-EYED RAVEN: You will never walk again but you will fly… though not literally, I’m afraid. What I’m saying is that from a certain point of view, what you may soon be capable of doing, and I speak to you thus, mind you, of the assumption that not only are you gifted as your friend… well, your deceased friend, as it were… and obviously, spoilers for the last 20 minutes of your life… where was I…?
Oh… yes, I’m speaking with you… to you… as one man to another man, in spite of any… physical characteristics about ourselves that might make some think that we are not men but odd cave wizards… or mayhaps we question our own manhood as we dwell here in our cave… my cave, is what was meant, though I’m implying that you will make this… cold… and barren… rather depressing cave your home as well.
I realize, young Brandon Stark… er… of Winterfell… that it might be misconstrued, these words I am speaking, or have spoken, or spake… one does have difficulty with proper tenses when one has an ability to view events in a non-canonical format… along with a solemn duty to keep on viewing events and send messages to young boys… er, men… such as tho… and I do believe that the saying is… eh… what was it now… ah! Yes! Putting the cart before the horse- an analogy truly fitting of this conversation in which we are both a part of… though it is not lost upon me… and rarely is anything lost upon me as I am blessed, or mayhaps cursed, with sight that men- be they men that do not live in caves and amongst the dirty, somewhat moldy roots of an ancient weirwood tree or men whose fate it is to walk freely under the bright sun, feel the soft grass beneath their feet, hear the laughter of children without feeling… empty?… on the inside… tho just a bit and only when their matters within the cave are… just… becoming a bit too much… or be they men whom possess the fortune, be it good or ill, of placing their hand upon the warm, soft bosom of the gentler sex… and I speak to ye, Brandon Stark, of women. I know much and more… some may believe I know all… so if tho know not of which I speak… or have spake… regarding… women… then rest easy that I will be happy to share with you the reasons that you feel the way you feel, a feeling I presume you are indeed… well, feeling, that may be strange and foreign to you, as it were, or as it was… as it is… very well might be… Indeed, young Brandon, a feeling twixt a glowing ember of fire within thine groin and a yearning for something that tho hath not been able to put thine fingers upon… to these feelings I can teach you much and more… if tho wish it to be.
As we live together, here in our cave, my young lordling, you may be confident that there exists no question you might have about women or their soft and supple bodies that I will not be able to answer… and you may find that… Chip… and Chip would be… well… I don’t see him at the moment but these… Children… of the Forest… these clever and… magical creatures are always coming and going and hiding and throwing things towards me… eh… oh yes- Chip, who hath the largest and the most foolish look to his stupid face… believe you me, bestest friend, you will recognize Chip as soon as tho hath laid thine eyes upon him. Chip is an old gods-damned liar and it is of the utmost importance that tho keepeth this in mind when Chip visits and begins to speak of matters that he knoweth naught about… and I must needs warn you that mine own great knowledge of women and ladies and what they look like naked will be the first truth that Chip will lie to you about. He will say that I know nothing of women or their… boobs… and what have ye… and I knowst true that Chip will deliver this lie to thine lordly ears for this hath happened before and I hath seen it happen again… and also I hath seen it happen before, long before before hath already happened… so do not believe anything that Chip says…
Ahh… but of course you won’t, young Brandon. Believeth not the fables of one such as Chip is a motto tho hath already lived by for the entirety of thine life… Yes… tho and I shall make the greatest of live-in partners… truly, the bestest of best friends… and ’tis for the better as there are countless, seemingly endless, and endless years… a feeling of eternity, truly, as though time is never-ending and we are but two best friends living in a cave for the entirety of it… yes… living in a cave and having a lot of great times together- telling one another stories and making one another laugh and talking about women and their bodies. I am so very happy that tho hath decided to seek me out and liveth within my domain and be my bestest friend, Bran Stark. But though it is pleasing to me, from the onset of our friendship here in our cave, I must needs stress that ’twas my cave first, as you know, and of the two of us, the two very bestest of friends and companions, ’tis I who hath been here in the cave longer and ’tis I who, as the first friend in the cave, owns final say on any decision we make as either friends or live-in partners… cave partners, if you will…
eh… be tho in distress, my dearest friend?
BRAN: I’m… I’m gonna go…
WARNING! FOR HERE BE SPOILERS!!!
SPOILERS INDEED FOR ALL PUBLISHED BOOKS IN #GRRM’S A Song of Ice and Fire AS WELL AS ALL TELEVISED EPISODES OF HBO’SGame of Thrones…
Born amidst salt and smoke- Just off the Long Island Expressway- Beneath a bleeding star…
Bran the Broken. Bran Stark. Bran.
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