The Royal Decree for February 2018

Herein layeth the vocabularial vessel of thy Royal and Gnarly Words of The Princes That Were PromisedThe Heirs to the RealmThe Rulers of Dragonstone.

The words of royal quality and origin that tho shalt read are possibly of the most vital importance as tho and tho comrades prepareth for The Battle for The Dawn

For surely, only together are tho worthy to wage war under the banners of The Last Heroes… Which beith us, bet.

2018 has barely begun and the poor bastards that purchased GRRM‘s 2018 calendar are still holding out hope that they will one day see The Winds of Winter. Be that as it may, Mr. Martin seems to have plenty of time to find artists for and approve art for the 2019 calendar.

Something about that makes our rage spill over in our chalices. Perhaps the same poor bastards that purchased the 2018 calendar will shell out for the 2019 calendar. Perhaps some of them smarten up. Likely some new fans still hopeful for The Winds of Winter will look forward to this calendar and purchase it to hold them over until the release of Winds. Both groups of fans are wrong and if they were characters in ASoIaF they would be knights of summer and a part of Renly Baratheon‘s kingdom in The South.

If you are interested in giving this Duderino some of your hard earned cash while he hesitates and does not finish TWoW, you can take a look at the cover and even pre-order it HERE. You will definitely have our Royal respect!

Interested in some more crapola… er… great ASoIaF/GoT stuff?!? How about this? CultureFly has a Game of Thrones Box. This is not the same box as the GRRM Box that was released last year. Nay. This is a different box full of stuff that is based more on the HBO program.

Whichever box you prefer, you can be sure that The Big Cheeser is getting lots of your hard earned cashola! If you’re okay with giving this guy more money while he meanders around his big house in New Mexico, and some would say less reason to not meander, then you should order this box. It will be delivered to your house on a quarterly basis. That means every 3 months you will get new stuff from the imagination of George R. R. Martin but none of these things will be the book he has been writing for 6 years… with a 250-page head start going into the 1st of those 6 years.

A really good idea would be to make us subscribe to a weekly box for like $79.99 a box and in each box is some of the same great stuff that is found in either the Game of Thrones Box or the GRRM Box (which will in all likelihood be lost or chewed up by the dog) in addition to like either a chapter or half a chapter from The Winds of Winter.

Here is a video of Linda from unboxing one of the boxes. For those of you that would prefer to see Elio unboxing a box, send a message to them through and ask him to unbox a box. If you don’t have the internal fortitude to message Elio, you will have to learn to deal with only being able to watch Linda unbox one of these fantastic boxes. #TPTWP do not have as much pull at as we do at… and if you want to watch John or SeannieWan open one of these bad boys on video, you’ve got another thing coming. We don’t open boxes on video unless they are getting free boxes or have an overwhelming desire to open a box on video… which we do not.

It seems as though we are royally declaring that HBO is not airing The Final Episodes of Game of Thrones until 2019 every time we royally declare anything. To keep up with that tradition, HBO has made it official– Game of Thrones will air The Final Episodes in 2019. The official word from HBO via the form of a press release is right HERE.

There was a quote from Maisie Williams in which she said that The Final Episodes would air in April of 2019. That quote (which is located toward the end of this article in which Ms. Williams also talks about what she wants for Arya Stark‘s ending) turned out to be fake news.

Essentially, the quote by Maisie Williams was not a quote by Maisie Williams as quoted by Maisie Williams. This isn’t quite a Maisie Williams paradox but it can be confusing if you aren’t paying attention.

What’s that? Did you just say out loud that you live in the United Kingdom? That’s interesting. Wait.. what? Did we just hear you say that not only do you live in the United Kingdom but you also collect stamps?!? I believe my grandfather collected stamps. No. No, he didn’t collect stamps. He was too busy helping America win World War II, thus freeing the entire World from tyranny. I guess there isn’t a whole lot of time to collect stamps if you’re committed to being a Champion for Freedom. That’s just my grandfather though. Perhaps your grandfather collected stamps and passed the hobby on to you… or perhaps you’re just really boring.

Either way, The United Kingdom‘s Royal Mail, which is the crappy British version of the mighty United States Post Office is releasing a series of 10 Limited Edition Game of Thrones stamps! Super cool you guys!

We would inform you of which GoT characters make up the 10 stamps but you can probably guess them if you use just 6% of your brain power… plus we don’t really care.

Seriously though, we won’t judge you… much… if you want to buy the stamps. Buyer beware, there are like 28 different stamps or stamp-related… stamp things…? that fall under the category of Game of Thrones Stamps at the Royal Mail online store.

The prices are in pounds. That used to mean that you’d be spending like 1.5x the number of pounds in U.S. dollars, but with the Brexit disaster, it is possible that the pound/dollar ratio is very close. Again, we don’t care about stamps nor do we care if you care about stamps.

Game of Thrones Season 7 was pirated over 1 Billion times which is unbelievably insane if you consider the viewership records that the program shattered during the 7 episode run last year. To think that in addition to the 10,260,000 average number of viewers that watched Game of Thrones on HBO last season that nearly 100x as many people watched a pirated copy is absolutely mind-boggling.

We are sure that anywhere from a handful of to some of the viewers of the pirated copies of these episodes also watched the episode on HBOwhen it aired but even so, if all of the viewers of the pirated copies had watched the episode(s) on HBO than Game of Thrones would have more viewers than This Is UsThe Big Bang Theory, and The Voice put together… likely… maybe… possibly… honestly we aren’t sure because both the number 1,000,000,000 and the math involved are too overwhelming to think on.

HBO is in contention for a good amount of hardware with GoT S7The Producer’s Guild and The Director’s Guild and The Make-Up and Hair-Stylist’s Guild have all nominated episodes from Season 7 for their prestigious(?) awards.

The Director’s Guild has actually nominated three directors for their episodes from S7– #Podeswa for The Dragon and The WolfMatt Shakman for The Spoils of War, and Alan Taylor for Beyond The Wall.

Despite Alan Taylor‘s history- his being so important to the early success of GoT– and the Amaza-Balls job he did with bringing the somewhat ridiculously difficult set-pieces of Beyond The Wall, as well as turning the poorly thought-out teleplay into a cohesive and visually exciting episode, the master isn’t going to win this one.

Jeremy Podeswa did fantastic work with The Dragon and The Wolf, both huge set-pieces (The Dragonpit council, The Wall breach and Baelish‘s execution) as well as intimate drama (Jon and Dany‘s hook-up and Sansa and Arya‘s real reunion) and crucial narrative scenes all over (Tyrion‘s mysterious stink-face while awkwardly watching The King in The North and The Dragon Queen and the vital Bran flashback of Rhaegar Targaryen andLyanna Stark saying their wedding vows). Quite frankly, #Podeswa* deserves this one.

However, sadly, it is most likely that the winner will be Matt Shakman for Spoils.
If you are a leal and loyal listener of The Princes That Were Promised Podcast, you know that #TPTWP aren’t the biggest fans of The Spoils of War. However, we are considering that the nomination is from The Director’s Guild and thus so a recognition of the great job that Matt Shakman did with the huge set piece in that episode- The Field of Fire or, as it was originally called, The Loot Train Battle.

This was the most talked about scene of S7 and #TPTWP have no issue with Matt Shakman being recognized for his work here. He did an absolutely excellent job. We just believe #Podeswa did a better job.

S7 was also recognized by the American Film Institute, though this recognition isn’t an award so much as it is a… well, a recognition in the form of highlights from S7 are added to a reel of the highlights from the best films and television of 2017.

Dinklage calls the ending of Game of Thrones “heartbreaking”. Clearly, Peter Dinklage was not at our Senior Prom.

Dinklage also starred in a Doritos SuperBowl commercial. He had a great comedic turn here and we hope he earned that SuperBowl commercial money… and we hope he can declare the earnings for 2018 under the new tax plan. Peter Dinklage* talks about the commercial HERE.

Lena Headey, whom JPJKK of #TPTWP is attempting to woo via our podcast, says “everybody cried” during the final read-through.

That is a nice notion- the entire main cast getting emotional as their 9-year journey comes to an end. However, and we may be in the minority, #TPTWP highly doubt that Lena Headey cries over anything. In fact, it is most likely that the article that link leads to ends with Lena Headey talking about how she slapped her fellow cast members when they started to cry and said “pull yourself together!”

In the same article, art director Deborah Riley says that March will be a very busy month. Does this mean that principle photography and the majority of filming will be finished by March? Maybe? HERE is the link again. There is video of Ms. Riley saying words into a microphone. It may be that the words she says shed some light on the previous sentences that we wrote. See for thineself!!!

BEST NEWS EVER!!! Anytime that George R. R. MartinThe Big CheeserThe Man, The Sloth, The LegendThe Architect and Heartbreaker of All We Love, has an opportunity to make Mo’ Money without having to finish a book for A Song of Ice and Fire, we are truly happy Princes. There is an ancient prophecy that says Wheneth George Martin hath the opportune opportunity to maketh great wealth without him haveth reacheth the end of the story the sum of mankind is waiting for, a baby monkey is eaten by alligators#TPTWP take that to translate as Whenever GRRM makes a lot of money withoutTWoW being published, the innocent are destroyed by the evil.

HERE is the news that EVERYBODY has been waiting for- Nightflyers, the pretty old book that GRRM wrote about some people on a spaceship looking for aliens, is getting a Re-Release to coincide with the production of the Nightflyers television program.

We may not have gotten The Winds of Winter and we may never get The Winds of Winter but now that we have a re-release of NIghtflyers, the question must be asked: Do we really need The Winds of Winter?

John‘s answer: “Who cares?”

SeannieWan‘s answer: “It matters little.”

Over at NotABlogThe Big Mac with Extra Cheesemeister takes the opportunity given to him during the downtime between verbs he has written for Winds to inform those that bring up his NotABlog regularly so to have their damaged and fragile hopes dashed against metaphorical rocks that Nightflyers is getting a re-release.

The Crawler of Tale-Telling also lets his readers know that he is sponsoring a scholarship for Fantasy writers or some such charity/charitable endeavor.

We won’t knock an act such as thus but we will make the weak joke that goes as follows- Hopefully one of the scholarship winners will graduate real quick and help him….

Another version of that joke could be:

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?


Ida Who

Ida say you’re being very naive if you think you will ever read The Winds of Winter.

That’s a Royal Knock Knock Joke which means if you don’t chuckle, you are likely to lose your tongue Ilyn Payne-style.

Thus and so, tho hath readeth thy Royal words of thine Promised PrincesTho can findeth thy Royal podcast wherever great podcasts hath found a home.

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